Good relationships seem few and far between. Wherever you look, you see relationships that involve deceit and infidelity; physical and emotional abuse; plain old unhappiness or simple indifference. Relationships appear to be under siege, and you wonder whether you can avoid these age-old pitfalls. Are there secret mindsets to a good relationship? I think the following could be considered as such…

Sincerely Desire It

The first foundational mindset is that you must earnestly desire a good relationship. This seems pretty obvious, doesn’t it? But many of us just focus on getting into a relationship. We vaguely hope that it will be a good relationship, but our focus is just on being in a relationship. Do you really yearn for a good relationship? Or do you flip-flop back and forth unsure of what it is that you really want? The first step in getting anything is to earnestly desire it.

Clearly Define It

The second step involves plainly defining for yourself what a good relationship looks like to you. What are the actions and features that define a good relationship for you? What must you have in a relationship for it to be good, okay, bearable or bad? This will of course also entail you giving life to what a bad relationship looks like so that you know clearly what each is made up off. I would advise you to write down the various things in a notebook as this will help you clarify things for yourself. But remember that it’s not a one-way street and you must also list what you would need to do to get the results that you want. What would you be willing to give to your partner and what would you expect from them? Try to be as specific as possible. It is critical at this stage to be realistic. or example, you do not expect your partner to know how to please you without you having to tell them. That’s just not going to happen as you expect.

Make A Decision

The next secret mindset is to decide which of the different types of relationships you want. You may be surprised to find out that you may not want a good relationship but would be happy with an okay relationship. Think of how you make decisions about things; do you sometimes start by desiring to buy one thing but end up buying another? Maybe a good relationship would require too much giving from you? Just like designer clothing is desirable but priced beyond your ability or willingness to pay so maybe a good relationship is desirable but you are unwilling to do the work. Issues of self-esteem also come up at this stage, you may want a good relationship but you feel unworthy of it. If that is you then you need to first deal with the self-esteem problems before you proceed.


The next secret is to put motivation to your decision and to resolve that this is what you want and deserve, and you will not settle for anything less. When 

you have done this, you will have a settled feeling that you have resolved this issue in your heart. You don’t yet have a good relationship, but you know that you know that it is in your future.

Be Disciplined

Now comes the hard part where you actually reject relationships that do not meet your expectations and where you work on yourself so that you are able to give to your partner the things they need so that they can give you what you need. If you want honesty in your relationship, how honest are you in your current relationships? If you have a tendency to lying, what are you doing to reverse this bad habit? Start developing the habits and traits that you want to see in your relationship otherwise you will be unable to get what you want.

Good relationships require a deliberate effort on your part, and your efforts must be fueled by what’s inside of you. Having the right relationship mindset will give you the fuel to attract and be a part of a good relationship.

Author Alexi Gibbs ©